I don't know if I was coming or going today. The only thing I knew was I was tired both mentally and physically.The month of May had thrown me for a loop, lots had happened. I'm not one that complains or even recognizes that I have stress, but I completely acknowledge the last 6 weeks has been tough on me.
Selling a business and dealing with all the dynamics involved was more difficult than I would have imagined. Especially when your selling two at the same time and you have to have them both close on the same date and either deal can potentially fall apart at anytime. Not easy.
Then there is the transition afterwards of setting up a new routine. I'm under consulting agreements with the two purchasers and my roles and responsibilities have changed. I'm not complaining, it's just different and I haven't yet mastered the transition and who knows what I'll be doing to earn a living a year from now. It's the stress of the unknown.
Also, having a investment partner problem with some people I thought I had a good relationship with probably took the biggest toll on me. It's still troubling me. Hopefully in another week I can get it out of my head.
During the process I've also been working hard in helping to successfully transition the businesses to the new owners and I've been working to close new business, which I have and I'm planning on more to come.
Essentially, if I was to describe my past month, I'd use the word "tailspin".
By and large, even though I'm an entrepreneurial kind of guy, I need "routine". It keeps me balanced and I find a certain level of comfort following a regular path, for both work and training. I had it down to a science. Based on what I was doing training wise, I knew what day it was. In the last 30 days, I've lost my routine and I don't like it.
Today I was still feeling the physical and mental effects of the weekend. I was physically a little shaky and mentally a little dull. I almost got into two accidents on a busy highway because I didn't see another car over my shoulder. This feeling lasted all day.
I was also in meetings for most of the day. By the time I got home I was spent, just exhausted, and I still had about 4.5 hours of training scheduled. I was going to do my bike when it started to rain and I've vowed that for the rest of this year I'm becoming a fair weather rider. I've earned it by riding through this years miserable winter weather.
Truth be told, I was glad it started to rain. It gave me an out. The reality was I had no mental strength to push myself out the door. I ended up eating and then driving Reid to do his weights at swim club. After I brought him home, I passed out on the sofa and didn't wake up until 11 pm.
I had no energy to do anything. Forget about blogging. Walking up the stairs to bed and taking off my clothes was tough enough. I figured, it'd be another early morning blogging session about yesterday.
All night I was dreaming about my situation. The thing that kept coming back to me was REFOCUS and figure out a "new routine". FORCE YOURSELF to make training your constant, don't let it suffer. SLOW DOWN on the beers until you level out the plane.
The last time I felt this way was when the business had just started in 1990. I decided to immerse myself in my work and my family and fitness took a back seat and suffered. It took me just over 15 years to get out of that "tailspin".
Whenever I look back, my biggest regret was giving up training for triathlons. I've since realized that I need triathlons to balance my "all or nothing" personality. Which it did when I got back into them.
This time I'm going to learn from my past mistakes and not have to start over after a 15 year layoff, like I did in May 2007. It's only been one month of feeling like I'm free-falling, but I've got to nip this thing in the bud.
I CAN DO ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TOO!!!
May Totals
Swim - 11.9 kms / 7.38 miles
Bike - 818.63 kms / 507.55 miles
Run - 191.25 kms / 118.58 miles
Gym - 2
Totals - 1021.78 kms / 633.50 miles
Calories - 44,443
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11 comments:
your current feeling is understandable, a ton going on in a little time! Take a breath, look at all the good things that are going to come from it! After all, selling the 2 businesses will allow you to live the dream once you get over this time period! Cheers
This has been a very stressful time for you, actually for the last few months, not just this past one. Take a breath and give yourself a break. And no, you can NOT take a 15 year layoff from training or competing. Who would I bug if you did?
I paid my annual membership ;-)
First off, you have hammered pretty hard starting off this year and competing in 2 ironmans already man!
Second, I hear ya on life and stress in general. I have those same days and sometimes mentally you are more whooped than you could ever be physically. You have to take some days to be human.
A lot of times I tell myself, "When it rains, it pours." Seems anything that can go wrong for me... will go wrong. I get frustrated easy, but have managed to allow A LOT to roll off my back lately. I mean shit, my own parents haven't talked to me or my wife for 4 months... (looooong story, can be told over 4 or 5 beers).
I will leave you with this:
Work to live, don't live to work :)
Balance is good.
Balance is good and it sounds like that is what is missing. A lot of racing, work stress, new routine, etc... it all catches up to you eventually.
Stick with it, work through it and all will be fine soon!
B, following your blog for the last 9 months has made me realize something when it comes to you, you are a fighter and you will accomplish what you set your mind to. Have at it B, and roll that Payne Train. Later, Bob.
B
Just hang in there, you are one tuff guy and this is just temporary.
before you know it you will look back and say: i did it, again.
as my friend Bryan would say: just suck it up. haha
J
Bryan -
Between the craziness with work and selling the businesses and all the stuff involved...and training and balancing everything with family you are a busy guy - of course you feel like you are in a tailspin! And dude - you have already done 2 IM's this year. Holy crap.
You will find a way around this wall (actually, from what I have gathered from reading your blog, you are going to bust through that wall, taking no prisoners) - this is temporary, even if I have to drive up to Ontario and kick your butt. :)
Good mojo heading your way.
hang in there mate... go fishing... skiing, something that makes you find you.
Summer is on the way, should be the best time : )
B.Jesus. Loved your honesty, frankness and reflection in this post - you got it all figured out so I've no idea why all the comments above reinforcing what you already know (they must all be nice people or something).
Anyway, as I say you have it sorted and we all know you'll make it happen so my only comment is...
PUSSY!
What do you mean fair-weather cyclist? -17C is understandable but come on a bit of rain - what happens if it rains in a race?
Did I mention...PUSSY!
(chuckling away to myself but we can't have everyone hero worshipping you - it'd go to your head pussy-boy)
JF, thanks man, I aprechiate hearing I may be going through something semi-normal.
A, Thanks, your right deep breatch and NO LAYOFF. Check. Your right I have a fiduciary duty to make sure I'm on track and blogging. I knew I should never have put that "Donate Now" button up. haha.
M, thanks man, I've never seen that feminine "brush your hair" and "tell me everything is okay" side of you. haha. Sorry to hear about your parents, have you ever thought of adopting new parents? Kids really shouldn't be without parents. Although, I may not want to hear about it, I do want the 4 or 5 or more beers. haha. Heck, I'll even pay for the first 6, providing you don't mind a six pack in the parking lot. haha. All kidding aside, thanks for the words and your advice. It's all good and wise, which is surprising coming from you. haha.
R, so true and thanks. I believe you work from home, so I know you know the secret. Any more advice is welcome, until I say stop. I hope I didn't open a can of "becareful what you wish for". haha.
B, your right and your comment was one of the ones that "snapped me out of it". Thanks Bobby.
J, Thanks and your right and it's was really helpful reading your post and reminding myself that this is nothing compared to what I've accomplished in the past. Thanks bro.
M, so true, when you put it in black and white, I guess I have been dealing with a lot. And your right like the other comments, I should be "busting" through this wall in no time. Driving up to Ontario to kick my butt, not if we have a 3 out of 5 match. haha. I once took on two professional ballerina's at 4 in the morning on the front lawn of a rental property I was staying at and I beat them both. They were tough, but I got them. True story. haha.
V, thanks, good advice and now I just need to learn to do it with a AAAA personality.
S, yes, you are right, I am being a pussy. My state of mind could just be my Male Menopause. I guess I should take a couple of Midol and get back at it. I disagree on one thing, I'm not doing the rain thing this year, that right I've earned. Unless of course you come to Canada, then if you go, I'll go, which means we won't go. haha. I wouldn't call it Hero worshiping, but being PFG World Role Model suits me fine. haha.
Lastest, thanks to all of you for posting. You don't know how much you have helped me. This is one case where having a blog has definitely worked to my favour. I saved so $ on therapy and saved time getting my head back. Thanks again.
B
Thank you so much for this beautiful Article
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