Three sure things...

There is three things that are certain in this world; Death, Taxes and Bad Chinese Drivers.

During Saturday's long ride I almost got taken out by two vans working in tandem. It was the weirdest of circumstance.

I was riding down a long barren country road, no one in sight. All of a sudden, a van pulls up beside me and slows down. It's a few feet from my side. It then pulls ahead and pulls over in front of me and starts driving with one wheel on the gravel shoulder and the other on the pavement.

It starts to slow down and I have to pull out around it and start passing it on my right. At that moment, a second van pulls up beside me. I'm now in the middle of two vans. I'm like "what the heck is going on!? Don't they see I'm here!? This is nuts!!! Am I going to get squished between the two?!"

Then the second van pulls out in front of me, then slows down and begins to cut me off, I have no choice but to slow down to avoid running into the back of it. The second van then pulls in front of the other van and both are now riding part of the shoulder and road in unison before they start to slow down. I have to pull out to the middle of the road to pass by them.

It was the weirdest sensation. At one point, I thought they were trying to trap me between the two vans. Like I said, "this was in the middle of NOWHERE", they could have pulled over "ANYWHERE". Then I looked at the driver of the lead van as I passed and realized they weren't abductors, they were just "Chinese drivers".

It appeared the people in both vans knew each other and must have been lost and wanted to stop and talk to each other. I can accept that. In most cases, normal drivers would pull in behind me or drive so far ahead that they would be fully pulled over and stopped by the time I passed by.

But NO, not Chinese drivers. That would make to much sense and would be too easy. Instead, they boxed me in, then cut me off and when I looked at them as I passed, the driver had both hands clutching the wheel and was swiveling his head in all directions but mine. He had the same look on his face that you see when someone is being spoken to by a voice in their head, or a language they don't understand.

With the Chinese, the language they don't understand is called "how to drive".

As I passed by, I yelled, "Your not the only people on this road you know!!!". I just got back a "deer in the headlights" stare. The driver seemed more concerned about the people in the van behind him. I had a half eaten banana in my hand and was tempted to throw it though their half open window.

I decided against it. The banana energy was worth more to me and they probably wouldn't have understood why it was even thrown at them. The driver appeared so focused on driving poorly that I assume he wouldn't even have noticed the banana splatter over is his window or banana shrapnel on the side of his face and in his hair.

It never ceases to amaze me, the smartest kid in every subject, in every school and the best school band clarinet players are aways Chinese, yet they can't drive. If you think I'm being prejudice, maybe I am, but regardless, show me one Chinese Indy or Nascar racing team. I rest my case.

I've been a passenger with a Chinese person at the wheel only once. It was in Hong Kong, when we put a deal together with a Chinese printing company. I have respect for Chinese business people, they can be tough and capable negotiators. After the deal was done, the guy in the middle of the picture above, generously offered to take us sight seeing.

I've never been so scared. It seems that once our host got behind the wheel, he lost complete multi-tasking control. Specifically, being able to work the gas and steer at the same time. It was a white knuckle ride. During the ride I was praying, "Lord, if I get back alive, I promise I'll never speak badly about getting a root canal ever again".

The worst, and I mean absolute worst, is that I've yet to see a Chinese persons vehicle without beads or whatever, draped from their rear view mirror. It's bad enough that they don't know how to drive and that they don't have the "round eye" advantage, but now they make it even more dangerous by obscuring their vision with something that looks like the equivalent of a big piece of seaweed hanging from the mirror.

I believe that having anything hanging from the rear view mirror should be banded. Not only is it dangerous, like driving with a cell phone, but it's also "trailer park". It never ceases to amaze me how many people think a hanging rosary and pine tree air-freshener go together like peanut butter and jam.

As triathletes and cyclists we should band together and work to outlaw the "mirror muck". It's just one more distraction that the "worst genetically dispositioned drivers" in the world don't need. It's hazardous to our health and sense of fashion.

Training wise, I had some misfortune today. I got to the Y for my swim at around 8:30 pm and as I was undressing in the locker room, I couldn't find my bathing suit. I completely emptied my bag and "nothing". I got dressed, thinking it may be in my truck. Nope, it's "MIA". I was even semi-looking forward to this session, I had a couple of McFurry's this afternoon that needed to be burnt off.

How does a bathing suit go missing? I don't even want to think that some weirdo at the Y stole it from behind my back and is now sitting at home smelling the crotch.

Needless to say, it was too late to buy new ones or go home and get a pair of tri-shorts and return before the pool closed. It looks like it will have to be a make up session tomorrow, hopefully. I have an important presentation in the morning that may last until past noon and I'm meeting with Rueban at around 2:30 pm to go riding.

I guess I have no choice but to re-adjust my priorities, it's one of the challenges us non-professional triathletes face. I'll just have to "suck it up" and focus on rushing the presentation and limiting the amount of questions.

Unplanned Rest Day.