A little heavy...

In the past four years I've accomplished more than I ever imagined was possible. I couldn't have written a better script.

By getting back into triathlons in 2007 after a 16 year layoff was the best thing I ever did. I felt like I got my life back again and became the true person I am in my heart.

As much as I've accomplished in triathlon, I've accomplished more in my personal life because of it.

In 1990, I stopped doing triathlons and started a business. I put all my attention and energy into the business, it was my number one priority for 16 years. Eventually, and it didn't take long, maybe 6 months, I lost all perspective.

People constantly ask me how my family feels about me "training all the time". Frankly speaking, my family sees more of me now than they ever did in my "business-only years" and I'm now much more pleasant to be around.

In those work-only years, I was so focused on success that I didn't care about anything else. All that was important was working and trying to make money. Everything else was secondary. For the first 10 years the business grew organically at over 30% per year, year over year. It kept me busy.

Looking back, it took it's toll, I wasn't a good husband or father in my eyes. I was working all the time, I would never call Alice to tell her I'd be coming home late and most times she'd end up calling me to see where I was. If I was at work, or out with a customer, I'd be "short" with her for interrupting "the important things in life".

I was so focused on success, I had absolutely no balance in my life. The worst part was I felt that my "business mission" was more important than anything, including family. My thoughts were along the lines that, "the work I put in today will benefit ALL of us tomorrow and it's just a short term sacrifice we all need to make".

One of the reasons we moved to Toronto was because I was missing my kids grow up. I travelled a lot. Shortly after the Toronto Plant was purchased, it needed my full-time attention. I ended up commuting from Winnipeg to Toronto every week for well over a year.

I had a nice waterfront condo in downtown Toronto and would fly out early Monday morning and return late Friday evening. My kids only saw me on weekends and when I did get home for the weekend, all I wanted to do was relax and was "unhappy about being fat and the struggles the business was facing". My only "release" was staying up late on the weekends partying, it masked the pain.

I'd then repeat the entire process the following week. It was like the movie "Ground Hog Day".

Prior to purchasing the operation in Toronto, I spent many years commuting between San Francisco, Denver, New York and Toronto. I was typically out of town three weeks a month and again, only home on weekends.

The one thing I'm blessed with is intuition. Often I don't know why I'm doing something, to others it may not be logical, but I know it's right in my heart. Moving to Toronto was one of those "intuitive moves". In fact, buying the business in Toronto was move of "an intuitive move" than "logical".

At the time we moved, Reid was 6 years old and was giving Alice a lot of problems, especially after his idol, Alice's father, died. Reid needed a man in his life. I wasn't there and I remember Alice telling me at one point "that the kids don't even know you". That blew my hair back, even though I didn't want to believe it.

Alice didn't want to move out of Winnipeg and her dream house. Eventually she gave in and we packed up the U-haul with the stuff we'd need while our house was being built and moved to Toronto.

Since moving to Toronto, being present with the family everyday and getting back into triathlons, changed my life and the families life for the better. Surprisingly, Alice adjusted to the Ontario lifestyle much quicker than I did and neither of us would now ever go back.

I look back and realize one of the worst mistakes I made was quitting triathlons after starting the business. As strange as this sounds, doing Ironmans gave me a balanced perspective and kept me fit. I know I can never turn back the hands of time, but I often wonder "What would my past and current life have looked like if I had never quit doing triathlons?"

At the time, I sacrificed triathlons to achieve my financial goals. I wanted to be a "billionaire" and I wasn't afraid to let others know. I had grandiose ideas. I tried hard for 20 years and it didn't happen.

When I officially quit triathlons in 1991 at 24 years old, I accomplished a lot in the triathlon world. It was like quitting on top. I had done 3-Ironmans when very few would even attempt them and one of those Ironman was in Kona. I had been Vice-President of Ironman Canada and President of Triathlon Manitoba and was the driving force that got triathlons into the Provincial sports federation before it was a federally recognized sport.

Fast forward to present. I'm in a similar circumstance. I've again accomplished a lot in the triathlon world. I lost 50 lbs, have done 4 3/4-Ironmans, 10-Half Ironmans and qualified for Clearwater and Kona in the process.

I'm now at a crossroads. Do I once again sacrifice all my triathlon hard work and focus on my career. It would seem a responsible choice to immerse myself in my career, after all, Toronto is expensive and making money is critical, especially if you want to enjoy the finer things in life.

Fortunately, I've seen this "movie" before. Here's what would happen if I quit doing triathlons. For the first couple of years, you can rest on your laurels. I'd still be recognized by others as being an Ironman and to myself I'd even think I was still one.

In the process, I turn my energies to my career and family and I'd get out of shape. As hard as I would try not to, I'd gain weight and eventually start feeling bad about myself. I'd be disgusted that I lost all my fitness, and eventually my perspective and confidence would wane. I would no longer feel good about myself and the downward spiral would begin.

I remember in my 20's when I was doing triathlons, I planned on doing one Ironman each year for the rest of my life. I remember thinking at 40 years old, I'd have done 20 Ironmans and at 60, I'd have done 40 and doing that would always keep me in shape and happy.

If I can give myself any advice, it's "not to go to the darkside". The darkside is the land of "not being the person you are capable of being and living life to the fullest". It's the land of "the path of least resistance". Essentially, it's "the road MOST travelled".

As I mentioned earlier, I'm at that crossroad, even though it's being only a couple of weeks since Kona and my training has been sparse, it's easy to get used to not training. Taking well deserved time off I understand, but my fear is that it becomes a slippery slope and before I know it I'm back to that pre-Ironman person I used to be.

I've been asking myself, " How do I stay motivated to train while focusing more on some unfulfilled career goals and still keep a healthy family life AND continue to have fun TRAINING PAYNE STYLE? How do I not let history repeat itself? Is it even possible?"

The best answer I've come up with, "Is it's not a question of WHETHER your going to do it, it's a question of HOW your going to do it". Not doing it, is NOT an option. Oh how I wish Mark Allen Online had the formula.

I think others in my "Blog and Twitter Sphere World" are experiencing the same challenges. I see people that were "into it", "waning from it". They entered "the Ironman or Triathlon World", worked hard and accomplished a BHAG (Big Hairy Ass Goal) or many. They got the finishers medals, hats, T-shirts, maybe even the tattoo, and are now changing focus.

Speaking for myself, "That's were I'm at".

My next, and perhaps toughest challenge, "is achieving my triathlon, weight, career, family and fun goals without losing a balanced perspective or sacrificing one over the other".

My goal my be unrealistic, I don't know. I don't want to believe it can't be done. However, I do want to warn my blog followers, you may see a shift in my focus and challenges I face. Although, for some of you, don't worry, you can still come to expect my "politically incorrect, tasteless humour and party lifestyle".

To help with "Culling of the my followers herd" (I'm at 159 and wonder how much it will go down), I've included a video I've been saving for just the right moment. I hope it brings a smile to your face and lightens up your day and this blog posts serious subject matter. Enjoy. And Matty O and Simon, you wish!!! And your wives wish you could last so long!!!