I can hardly wait until Tuesday and getting back into a regular non-alcoholic schedule. I was up early this morning after hearing Davis talking downstairs and I couldn't get back to sleep. I only had 5 hours of sleep. Last night Sharon, Alice and I enjoyed ourselves until 3:30 am. I'm easily one day of sleep behind and need to do a "Rip Van Winkle" and sleep for an entire day.
First thing Davis wanted to do was go to Rona to pick up parts to build a beer bong. If you don't know what a beer bong is, it's a devise to mainline beer. I've never used one and only seen guys do it in the movies. Davis is your typically university student and expert beer bong maker. He's made so many, and so many bad ones, he now knows how to do it perfectly.
I wasn't into it at first. I wasn't enjoying myself standing in the aisles at Rona and then having to drive to Home Depot because they didn't have the right parts. When we got to Home Depot it was a exercise to find the right parts. But I must say, after some time in Home Depot I was getting into it. The parts Davis was getting were intimating. I like my beer, but looking at the parts and thickness of hose he was getting even "I" was starting to get scared. The only valve bigger, I swear, would be one that runs from the street to the house to carry water to the neighborhood.
We made our last stop at Canadian Tire to get the perfect funnel to load the beer into. It is large enough to put 24 beers. The idea with the bong is that you put pour beer in the funnel and then you kneel on the ground, while someone holds the bong up high, and you open the valve and gravity causes the beer to pour fast and furiously. The more beer you put in, the greater the pressure.
Once it was assembled, we put our Muskoka Ironman 70.3 bikes stickers with our race numbers around the outer edge of the funnel of the bong, in memory of the race. I was the first to "christen" it and like I said, I was scared. It came out fast and it turned out it wasn't all that bad. Then Rich jumped in and did it, followed by Davis. I thought that would be it, but Rich wanted to do it again. He even took his teeth out, he looks like such a "trailer park boy" with no teeth. I love it.
Then I came up with the perfect saying for a tee shirt - "It was all good until someone brought out the beer bong". The one thing I realized about beer bonging was that you go through a lot more beer than when you drink from a bottle. We blew through about 20 beers, I almost did a 6 pack by myself in one slurp, but Rich and Davis closed the valve on me. They didn't want me to hog it. Davis said the most he's ever seen is a guy do four, my six was blowing his mind.
We ended up getting another 28 beers and within 15 minutes it was almost gone. Jamie came by and took a "pull on the hose" as well. It was fun, we were in the back yard, sun out, smoking on a beer bong, cigars in hand, and laughing. Davis said this is the most fun he's ever had. He said he'll never forget sitting in the backyard with his Dad and Uncle Bryan, bonging beer. Then, as crazy as it sounds, Davis got on the trampoline and starting doing wicked flips. He's an expert free style snowboarder and what he can do on the trampoline is amazing, even after bonging beer. I think that's when I came up with my tee shirt saying.
Even Sharon tried it with her cooler. She's a champ. When Jamie came by, he was given the Honor to shave Davis's beard and he took it real seriously. He did a excellent good job too. He didn't take it all off, but it looks much better than it was. You can tell Jamie is a perfectionist the way he focused while doing it. Alice says Davis looks much better and I agree.
We started at noon and had to shut it down by 4 pm to get to the Airport on time. Alice drove and Rich, Davis and I were in "la la land". Rich calls the beer bong "Bryan's Crack Pipe". I was thinking I should bring it to the beer run. I'd definitely would have the advantage during the beer drinking phase, I'd have each beer down in under 5 seconds. I'd have the Nascar fuel loading advantage.
On the drive to drop them off, we had a scare. The off ramp to the Airport was closed and we didn't know the area well enough to go an alternate route. We had to stop at a gas station and Rich got instructions. I have no idea how he was able to remember them, but he did and they made their flight. I have no recollection of dropping them off at the airport. Later I asked Alice if I said good bye and she said that she had to work at getting me back in the truck from hugging good byes.
Davis said this year even topped last year. I was shocked and happy. We all had a good time and no one got hurt. The Sohor's were amazed at my ability to party and then peal off a 5:12 in Muskoka. Frankly, so was I. I pushed it to the edge on that one. The last thing I did before BKO'ing it last night, was pick up some Chinese food. The owners 5 year old daughter was running around the restaurant and she was so cute and talked, and talked, and talked. For me, that was a highlight, just watching her innocent pure energy.
My kids were laughing at me when I got home and started eating the Chinese food. Every part of my body started to swell from the MSG and salt in the food. Normally you can see every tendon and muscles in my feet, the kids always tell me that I my feet look like a skeleton, but after eating that food they blew up like balloons. From the beer, my muscles healing and the food, I started to look like the Michelin man.
25 - lost count.
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